Friends

If you ever want to know what your friends really think of you, write a book about your life.  Then, ask your closest confidants to read it.  Prepare for the painful feedback.

You may hear things like I did…

  • “YOOOOOOUUUU wrote a book?”  Translation…You never struck me as someone who would contribute positively to society.  Even my own daughter said this one to me.  Extremely hurtful.
  • [After skimming the first few chapters] “You know. This is a real book.”  Translation…If you did manage to write a book, it would probably be one with no pages, hallowed out inside to conceal a secret.  I can see you writing a book like that.  Thanks man.  Really appreciate the vote of confidence.
  • [After reading the first few chapters] “I can’t believe how honest you were!”  Translation…If you did write a book for your kids, and it happened to be a real one, you would probably lie a lot.
  • “I’m so excited to read it.”  I don’t want to read this at all.
  • “I will read it. I promise I haven’t forgotten about it.”  I forgot about it.
  • [After finishing the book] “I expected this to be bad. But it wasn’t.”  This one cuts the deepest.  If I did manage to compose a book somehow – a real one with a cover and pages with words and I didn’t lie throughout, it would still have to suck, right?  It couldn’t possibly be entertaining or insightful.  Damn you people and your low expectations of me.

The moral of this story is I need to be more open with my friends about my talents or abilities.  Or I just need new friends.   Probably the latter.